“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems –not people; to focus your energies on answers –not excuses.” William Arthur Ward
If we lose objectivity due to our anger, we lose control of ourselves and the situation. There are five steps we can take to transform our anger into something positive and constructive.
Step #1: Disengage from the Situation
When we disengage, we focus on the results we want while we cool down. We can either physically remove ourselves from the situation or take an emotional time out. Disengaging is not the same as withdrawal, which is in effect a power play that involves resisting the other person’s feelings. It is simply a way to keep defensiveness from escalating.… Read the rest
“The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.” Eden Phillpotts
There are a number of reasons why people give unsolicited advice. If you have such a tendency, see if any of the following sound familiar:
- They assume that the person wants to hear their opinion of what they themselves would do in the situation.
- They had a similar problem that they solved successfully, so naturally they feel obliged to share it.
- They worry that, since they are the boss, they will look incompetent if they do not immediately offer their advice or solution to the problem.
- They know that they are expected to offer advice because they are known to be the “fixers”
“Consensus doesn’t happen by magic…You have to drive to it.” Christine Quinn
Consensus is defined by the Center for Conflict Resolution as follows:
“Simply stated, consensus is different from other kinds of decision-making because it stresses the cooperative development of a decision with group members working together rather than competing against each other. The goal of consensus is a decision that is consented to by all group members. Of course, full consent does not mean that everyone must be completely satisfied with the final outcome- in fact, total satisfaction is rare. The decision must be acceptable enough, however, that all will agree to support the group in choosing it.”
As apparent by the comments in bold print, … Read the rest
“In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.” Nhat Hanh
Unresolved interpersonal conflict can be characterized as a duel (where the goal is to win) rather than a dialogue (where the goal is a give and take of information).
In the conflict, the individuals hold on to very different ideas, or positions. They are aware of what the other party wants because it is typically the opposite of what s/he wants.
This stalemate will not be broken until the opponents depersonalize the conflict so they can engage in dialogue to uncover the reasons, or interests, that have led to their respective positions. To achieve this understanding, the individuals will need to ask each other questions and actively listen to … Read the rest
“The essence of dialogue is an inquiry that surfaces ideas, perceptions and understanding that people do not already have.” William Isaacs
One very basic communication model states that communication requires three basic elements: the sender (speaker), the receiver (listener), and the message.
However, according to David Kantor there are four roles that a person can take in any conversation. In Kantor’s Four Player Model, these roles include the Mover, the Follower, the Opposer and the Bystander.
Productive communications require the active participation of all four roles, whether we are holding an internal dialogue or are in dialogue with a group of people.
- The Mover initiates ideas and offers direction. This works best if the Mover speaks authentically and encourages
“Just because something isn’t a lie does not mean that it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.” Criss Jami
I had never heard of the word “palter” until I read an article by Francesca Gino titled: “There’s a Word for Using Truthful Facts to Deceive: Paltering.” https://hbr.org/2016/10/theres-a-word-for-using-truthful-facts-to-deceive-paltering
The Oxford Dictionary defines palter to mean: “Equivocate or prevaricate in action or speech.” In other words, to palter means to intentionally misrepresent the truth.
It is probably no coincidence that this word has come to the forefront at this time.
Paltering is different than telling an outright lie.
According to Frederick … Read the rest