This Tip shows how the negotiation technique of reframing and “Yes, and” create constructive dialogue from negativity.
It is so easy to be negative. A participant is bothered about something in a training session or a meeting. Regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with the subject at hand, it seems to be human nature to find fault wherever possible. All too frequently, the complainant expresses this unhappiness in negative and blaming messages. The complainant levies animosity at the trainer or meeting facilitator, who just happens to be in the wrong place at the right time.
This negativity becomes much more insistent and pervasive when there is a belief (real or imagined) that there are problems with what is being taught or proposed. In such instances, what is a trainer or meeting facilitator to do?
There is an effective way to deflect negativity and convert it into more constructive dialogue. It combines techniques from an unlikely duo: the fields of negotiation and improvisation.
Reframing and “Yes, And” Create Constructive Dialogue From Negativity
1. The Negotiation Technique of Reframing
Reframing the issue is a tried and true negotiation technique in negative situations.
When Negativity Has Historical Reasons
A participant brings up negative historical concerns. One reframing technique is to move the complainant’s focus from past wrongs to future remedies.
The first step is to acknowledge that the complaining individual has issues with past actions. Do this without agreeing or disagreeing with that viewpoint.
The second step is to focus the individual on identifying possible future remedies so that there is no repetition of past (real or imagined) problems.
The trainer or meeting facilitator can say: “Yes, I see that you are upset about past events and I am sorry you experienced them. What can we do to avoid a similar circumstance from this point on?”
When Negativity Aimed Personally at the Trainer
A participant makes negative statements aimed personally at the trainer or facilitator. In this case, another reframing technique emphasizes having the complainant focus on the problem rather than on a person.
Don’t get defensive about what is essentially a personal attack. The trainer or facilitator can choose to reinterpret the personal attack as an attack on the problem.
The trainer or meeting facilitator can say: “Yes, it is clear that you are very upset and I share your concern. Let’s see if we can find a workable solution to the problem.”
These two reframing techniques make active use of “yes, and” to convert negativity into constructive dialogue.
2. The Improvisation Technique of “Yes, And”
“Yes, and” is a cornerstone concept for improvisation. It is one key way that actors develop an improvisational skit on stage.
“Yes” is an obviously positive and affirming word of agreement. When a person says “Yes, and” in response to another’s comment, the conversation builds in a constructive and cooperative fashion. The responder offers additional supportive or expansive ideas that relate directly to what was said.
In essence, the trainer or meeting facilitator says: “Yes, I see what you mean, and now let me add some more information or suggestions that pertain to what you just said.”
The two reframing techniques (from the field of negotiation) and the “yes, and” technique (from the field of improvisation) require the trainer or meeting facilitator to pay close attention to the verbal and nonverbal messages of the negative individual.
The complainant is often feels gratified when the trainer or facilitator hears and acknowledges the expressed concerns. This can calm the situation down and lay the groundwork for more cooperative and constructive interpersonal communications.
May your learning be sweet.
Deborah
