Have you ever been mistreated at work, where your rights and needs were completely ignored and your self-esteem battered?
I have.
Here is My Story
Long ago, I was a secretary in an agency where all the men were professionals and all the women, despite their degrees, were in the typing pool.
The culture was so toxic that the men would literally push you out of the way if you were at the copy machine and they wanted to use it.
Every day I felt more and more diminished and powerless.
One of my responsibilities was to answer the phone for my boss, who was a retired colonel.
Frequently, a general would call to talk with my boss and be very abusive to me.
I kept biting back my anger at work. Then I carried that anger home to a two year old.
It wasn’t a good situation.
A Bad Situation
I realized that I couldn’t keep passively taking the ill treatment any longer.
The next time the abusive general called, I told him that
“If you can’t be civil to me, then you can’t be civil to the colonel. Please call back when you can be civil to us both.”
And I hung up on him.
Then I went to the bathroom to cry.
When I came back to my desk, my boss was standing there looking pale.
He asked me why I hung up on the general. I explained, fully expecting him to fire me.
However, instead of firing me, he went back to his office saying, “But did you have to start with the general?!”
That general was civil to me from that point on.
Are You Tired of Being Mistreated?
Are you tired of being mistreated, and your wants and needs ignored?
Either you have forgotten, or no one ever told you.
You have personal rights that you can and should exercise.
If you don’t, some people will take advantage.
They will:
- back you into a corner where you have to give in
- manipulate you into taking actions that are against your values or wishes
- guilt trip you into helping them out in some way
- stress you out by making unreasonable demands
- exhaust you with their continually escalating expectations
- diminish you by insisting you ignore your own feelings and desires
If you let them, they will walk all over you.
And notice I said, “If you let them.”
This is because we “teach” people how to treat us.
If you never stand up for your feelings, rights, and needs, after a while people will expect you to act that way.
That leaves them free to do what they want without considering your wants or needs.
However, if you exercise the rights you have, you can avoid these situations.
Here is Your Assertive Bill of Rights.
You have a right to:
- be treated with respect.
- have and express your own feelings and opinions.
- be listened to and taken seriously.
- set your own priorities.
- say “no” without feeling guilty.
- ask for what you want.
- get what you pay for.
- ask for information from professionals.
- make mistakes.
- choose not to speak up.
These are your inalienable personal rights.
Don’t give them away or forget them!
If this resonates with you, please comment.
May your learning be sweet,
Deborah
#assertivebillofrights #mistreatmentatwork
